Wednesday, 24 September 2008

God Help Me, I've Created A Monster...

"Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed."

So, with the immortal words of Darth Vader still echoing in my brain, I hit the power switch, offered a silent prayer to the Machine God and watched my unnatural creation flare to life.

I'm a non-techie, by any credible standard. I push the buttons, but I don't waste a lot of time thinking about how they work. I do, however, have precisely the right combination of optimism and ignorance to allow me to build computers from spare parts. So, when my Dell Inspiron 531 crapped out on me less than a week after its guarantee expired, I took it upon myself to cannibalise its still-warm corpse to salvage parts for a new machine. One Novatech Bare Bones kit (and a bunch of miscellaneous components I found lying about the place) later, my brand new home-built quad core system is up and running without a hitch. I even ripped it open again this morning to install a multi-format card reader left over from the Dell. It's all been suspiciously easy.

If I knew more about computers, I'd be way too terrified to touch them. I can plug the pieces together quite happily in my ignorance of anti-static straps and basic electronics. A real techie would probably get me condemned as a heretic for the blind fumbling I'm prepared to inflict on an innnocent computer but, so far, I've been getting away with it. Tomorrow, I may be cursing myself for even trying this as I scrape the melted circuitry out of my carpet, but today my new Frankenstein's Machine is happy, healthy and miraculously free of murderous intent.

Now, excuse me while I deal with the mass of pitchfork-wielding techie peasants who have gathered beneath my castle window...

1 comment:

  1. I hope I am not going to come fine a note that says "Cat dead, details later".

    Why, Doctor Frankenstein, what your monster needs now, is a bride...

    My computer only has one brain...no wonder it is so stupid.

    ...more...braaaiiinssssss...

    Oh, sorry, monster confusion there.

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